When I think of my dad, I think of him at the dinner table.
He’s got his shirt sleeves rolled up, serving the food. Then he sits down, leads us in giving thanks to God, before the conversation begins in earnest.
Most parents I know would agree that there are few—if any—watershed moments when it comes to raising children. Instead, it’s the cumulative effect of little-by-little, everyday and usually completely mundane conversations which form character and shape perspectives. The kind of conversations you have over dinner.
This Fathers Day—with the benefit of a little bit of hindsight—these are the things that I’m grateful my Dad said (and continues to say) day by day as we grew up.
1. “Yes but the Bible says…”
Just occasionally, polite dinnertime conversation would descend into fierce debate—on anything from sexuality to predestination and free will to women's roles in the church. Actually, it was the obnoxious know-it-all teenagers round the table who debated fiercely. Dad responded to questions—and even accusations of bigotry—with patience and grace, but with a calm and resolute certainty that what the Bible said was true. And now I’m so glad he did. He wouldn’t let us dismiss God’s word, but just stood his ground, graciously, firmly, and repeatedly—showing that even when it’s not to our tastes, what the Bible says is true.
2. “It’s fine…”
When we were whining because the dinner was burnt: “Look, it’s fine.”
When we were quick to put the boot into something at church that had been a bit of a shambles: “It was fine!”
When someone had wronged him: “It’s fine.”
My Dad’s “It’s fine” is not indifference, but a reluctance to criticize others and an ability to let things go when they’re not important—because ultimately, “this world in its present form is passing away” (1 Corinthians 7 v 31). This little phrase was secretly modeling to me Christian priorities, which are different from everyone else’s; and godly patience and even joy in the face of things that go wrong.
3. “Hahaha…”
It’s hard to capture a person’s laughter in type—but the way Dad led dinnertime conversations taught us that there is little in life that cannot be funny if taken in good humor. Whether it’s telling the story of a pastoral visit which took a turn for the absurd, or hatching a plan to pull pranks on his long-suffering sister: cheerfulness is infectious. Dad has it in buckets, and it shows round the dinner table. This infectious fun is why I still call home “home”, despite living 200 miles away—and why joy and humor will always be associated with what it means to be living for Jesus.
If you’re a dad whose Sunday lunch with the kids on Father’s Day is likely to be marked by shouting, sniping and sulking—take heart. Persevere. Be patient. Your children are listening and watching. It’s in dinnertime conversations that daughters—and sons—are raised.
What are the things you’re grateful your Dad said to you growing up? Tell us in the comments below (and remember to thank him on Father’s Day!).
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Rachel Jones is the author of A Brief Theology of Periods (Yes, really), Is This It?, and several books in the award-winning Five Things to Pray series, and serves as Vice President (Editorial) at The Good Book Company. She helps teach kids and serves on the mission core team at her church, King's Church Chessington, in Surrey, UK.
