It’s not just a job for the professionals. We all have a role to play. There are hurt people in every congregation and we are all called to roll up our sleeves and get involved in spurring them on (Hebrews 10:24).
But pastoral care is not a simple task. It’s hard to speak the truth in love. And, as I was reflecting with a seminar group this weekend, we all too often let our desire to be encouraging overtake our need to be Christ-like and end up saying things that have the potential to be profoundly unhelpful.
What things? Well, the list is large and at first glance fairly innocuous but here are the big 3 phrases that we think should rarely, if ever, pass our lips and the reasons why they really don’t help.
1. You don't need to change - you're fine as you are
It’s great to be affirming. And it’s important to assure people they are loved unconditionally. But it’s never wise to tell someone they are fine. It’s just not true (Romans 3:10). We all need to change. And getting through tough times inevitably involves some attitude or action being challenged and addressed. It’s good to be clear about the journey of transformation ahead.
2. Call me any time
When someone is struggling we want to support them. But instead of pointing people to the ever-present Spirit of God (Psalm 139) we all too easily offer up ourselves as perpetual sources of hope and help. The trouble is, when we say “call any time”, people do. Then we get tired. And overwhelmed. And profoundly grumpy. Our care of others deteriorates. The people we are supporting get dependent on us and then hurt… Far better to point people to Jesus and be clear about the level of care we can appropriately offer.
3. You and I can sort this out
When confronted with pain it’s natural to want to make things better. But we can’t. We are human and as such unable to heal or solve the effects of sin. These things are God’s remit. Our role is to offer practical support, pray and point people to Jesus and his life-changing words of life. After all, he is the one who truly has the wisdom and power to sort things out…
