No-one is born with an overwhelming desire for independence. Every new baby, no matter what their personality, has the ability to scream and scream and scream … and to keep on screaming until someone comes to give them the sustenance or comfort they desire. But by the time we reach adulthood, often the barriers have gone up and our lives display very different priorities. So what’s so attractive about independent living?
It’s safer
There’s no point denying it, sometimes life hurts and it has done ever since the fall of Genesis 3. To put it bluntly, sometimes people are real pains! It’s not something I dwell on much – I have better things to do with my time – but, if you pushed me, I could come up with quite a catalogue of ways in which I have been wounded. I’m sure you can too. People hurt us - physically, emotionally, spiritually – and, to state the blindingly obvious, that doesn’t feel good, especially with the added dimension now of arguments spilling over into social media and the world’s uncompassionate eyes. Distancing ourselves from others makes it less likely we will feel pain again. Of course, it makes it less likely we will feel love again too …
It’s easier
Different people are wired differently – and there’s no shame in that. Some people are naturally energized by being surrounded by other people; some feel drained by each and every human interaction. For those of us in the latter camp, it’s just simpler and less tiring to keep others at arm’s length. It’s hard enough to find the energy to spend time with the people we have to meet, no point in making life harder by adding in extras! Though it does mean there’s no-one really to help us when a crisis hits and the Christian call to sacrifice can be all too easily set aside in the pursuit of comfort…
It’s culturally appropriate
Just take a look at our films – our heroes are the lone ranger types who can fight the odds, overcome all obstacles and cope with all set backs without any significant level of help. And then there are our adverts too which encourage us to pursue OUR dreams, fulfil OUR potential and lives OUR lives with little or no thought for the world around. At times, it can feel just plain odd to consider any path other than independence. Though the church was never meant to model society, Christ’s call is more vibrant, more radically loving than culture’s…
It’s more comfortable
Independence is a great way to hide our sins and struggles. Whether it’s pride or porn, anxiety or addictions, if people don’t know us, they can’t see the way our lives are falling apart, so they can’t help us, hold us accountable or even pray for us in an informed way. We can be thought of as spiritual giants even when we are spiritual worms! Of course, Jesus sees all – he’s not impressed by our attempts at camouflage …
I could go on … there’s upbringing (living as an only child in an isolated setting can simply make you more practiced at independence) and context (remote mission work can demand the development of a certain level of resilience in the face of loneliness). It’s really not at all hard to come up with a list of why we can tend towards independence, even pursue it with a passion – but that doesn't mean there isn't a more Christ-like way...
