I hope you will excuse this moment of self-indulgence but today is this little blog editor’s special day. It’s exactly 25 years since the grace of God changed my heart and, forgiven, I began to follow Jesus.
Today, I’ve been looking back over the past quarter of a century – with all its highs and its lows – and have been bowled over by God’s faithfulness, forgiveness and love in ways that I tend to miss on a daily basis. It’s wonderful to take stock every now and then.
So, what has changed over the past 25 years?
More aware of God’s love and more aware of my unloveliness
I still remember the first time I was told of God’s love. It was quite a shock. Why on earth would some being in heaven want to be bothered with me? But he is bothered with me. He’s bothered with you too. One of the greatest joys of the Christian life is becoming more confident in his love day-by-day. That doesn’t mean becoming complacent – as I perceive God’s goodness and love in ever increasing measure, I see more clearly just how far I fall short of his standards. What a wanton and willful sinner I am - I know that far more sharply now than I ever have in the past. But it does mean being ever more grateful for his grace, his mercy and the tender way he sustains me. At times, it’s been a hard slog to remember God’s love – bereavements, stresses, illnesses have produced a few wobbles in my walk – but his love has never failed. And what a privilege that is, to be perfectly and eternally adored by the King of the Universe who has hand-picked us to be in his family for ever!
More aware of increasing holiness and more aware of my need to change
It’s fair to say that I wasn’t a good girl when I first encountered the gospel, I came to faith on a rehab programme so there are some very obvious ways in which I have changed! But dig a bit deeper and it gets even more exciting. More patient, more forgiving, more wise, increasingly gentle… The joy of becoming more like Jesus as the months progress is just a delight. Obviously, there’s plenty of room for growth (just ask any of my colleagues!). I certainly need to keep pressing on towards the goal, there are so many idols in my heart that need tearing down, so many rough edges that need to be transformed by his grace, with the encouragement of my brothers and sisters in Christ. But it’s simply lovely to look back sometimes and see just what radical heart surgery God has performed. I may not be the person I will one day become but I am very far from the person I once was and praise God for that!
More aware of my usefulness and more aware of my uselessness
When I first became a Christian, I had no real idea what I wanted to do with my life. I still don’t have a "career path” sketched out per se. But the call to enjoy Jesus, become more like him and share the good news wherever I can is one that rings ever louder in my ears with each passing year. How wonderful to be part of God’s purposes for the world! It’s so great to know that, however my life is going, God has good works for me to do. It’s impossible for life to be meaningless when you’re following Jesus. Every conversation, every text, every tweet can have eternal value. Of course, I can’t change the world in and of myself. My work only has value when it’s rooted in Christ. Without him, I would just be flailing about in ministry, achieving nothing of lasting worth. Conscious of my powerlessness, each day I know I need Christ more and more.
More aware of my security and keener to keep my calling sure
In my early Christian years, my faith was pretty shaky. Put me on a plane and I’d start confessing every sin I could remember so – if we crashed – God wouldn’t be too angry with me to let me into heaven! I’m so pleased such insecurity (and dodgy theology!) has gradually been pushed out of my mind as I have sat under some wonderful, faithful teaching. Resting in the glorious security of knowing that Christ’s work on the cross is enough - having a sure and certain hope for the future - is such an unshakeable bedrock for life (one that transcends all other insecurities that exist in this fallen world). And that security is a great spur to focus, every day, on the author and perfecter of life and to grasp his grace in both hands and commit to spending every second in his service. I know more and more that I need to feed on his word, make myself accountable to those who can lovingly nurture me, and live a life of repentance and prayer, alert to the snares of the evil one. I fail every day but persevering is worth it. After all, with the cross behind and eternal bliss undoubtedly in front, everything but Jesus pales into insignificance.
So, to all those who have taught me, encouraged me, rebuked me and prayed for me – thank you. In Christ, I am sure the next 25 years of picking up my cross and living in the light of his blessing are going to be great, even if they’re tough.
After all:
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3
How great is our generous, sovereign God!
