Today, the peers will be debating the third reading of the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Bill. Christians have been encouraged to lobby and pray. Last week, a local church was lambasted in the press for allegedly refusing to welcome a homosexual couple into their service. And every day, as such stories get debated in public and private, real people struggling with same-sex attraction get stuck in the middle. What does that feel like? We talk to one evangelical woman who struggles with same-sex attraction to find out.
How long have you struggled with same-sex attraction?
The thoughts began when I was at primary school. I knew I was different at the point when my friends were starting to talk about boys. I wasn't interested. I wanted to find out more about girls. It's been part of my life ever since.
You became a Christians in your 20s - how did that impact the way you viewed your sexuality?
As I read the Bible, I was blown away by the God who was unswervingly loving and forgiving and yet had very clear standards and purposes for my life. Some passages of Scripture were a challenge - they taught beyond any shadow of doubt that what I wanted to do with other women wasn't how God wanted me to act. But, coming from the mouth of the God who sent his Son to die for me, they didn't hurt. I knew I could trust him implicitly. The Bible is full of promises that God will help me change and give me self-control. It was clear I had to work on my feelings of same-sex attraction, just as I had to work on my pride and my stubbornness, but doing so felt like an exciting journey not a threat.
Has it always been that positive?
Sadly not. God has always been loving and kind and clear. Christians less so!
Do you mean Christian friends have rejected you?
A few. But not many. Most people, when you come out to them, are actually very supportive. Some flounder to find the right words or go bright red but most people's heart is in the right place. The real problem comes from the people who don't know.
What do you mean?
Homosexuality is a hotly debated topic. Every week it's in the news. Most weeks some Christian organisation puts out a press release or a prayer request. Often, there's some conversation about it at church or home group or with friends. And the comments there can be incredibly hurtful. People just don't think.
Conservatives who hold true to Scripture, describe people who struggle with same-sex attraction as "evil", "destined for hell", "perverted". All too often they fail to make any distinction between those who struggle with same-sex attraction but are attempting to be faithful and those who intentionally go against God's will. And they speak with vitriol in their voices. They are so keen to defend the Bible that they frequently forget real people are involved - real people are in the room. I've frequently had to make my excuses and leave, usually to find a toilet cubicle in which to cry.
On the other side of the debate you have the liberals. People who are often much gentler but whose message I find so destructive. "It's OK. We love you. We want you to express yourself. We want you to be free" come their words. They make me want to cry too. I want them to understand I am free. I am an intelligent and articulate human being who is choosing to live God's way rather than follow my feelings. I am not doing that because I'm brain-washed or downtrodden but because I've thought it through and want nothing more than to do as the Bible says. Very few of them get it. I seem to spend my life stuck between people who condemn me and those who feel the need to liberate me from some fictional trap.
Is there any sign that things are changing?
My heart leapt with joy a few weeks ago. I heard a senior pastor call people like me "heroes". Not that I see myself like that. But he, as a heterosexual man who fights hard for biblical truth, showed that he understood that it's hard to live for Christ when your inner desire is for people of the same sex and your outer context is a maelstrom of temptations to deny Christ. I wanted to clone him right there and then! I think there are probably lots of other people like him, it's just that in the heat of debate they get so focused on winning the argument that they forget how many people they might lose in the process.
So what would your message be to the largely evangelical readership of this blog?
Tender truth. That should be your aim in every press release, prayer request, blog piece, article and conversation. I would never want anyone to hold back from speaking gospel truth clearly. I'm not interested in people watering down the gospel to make it socially palatable. But I need to know you care - more than that, I need to know you love and are trying to understand. Next time you enter into any kind of debate, why not talk over what you plan to say with a gay friend - or, if that's not possible, why not imagine you are saying your words to my face? Look into my eyes as you construct your arguments. See me wince when you get strident, feel me crumple when you say things that just aren't true. Then maybe you'll win the people while you make your point.
Tomorrow, The Good Book Company launches its new book: Is God anti-gay? You can order your copy here.
