No-one is born with an overwhelming desire for independence. Every new baby, no matter what their personality, has the ability to scream and scream and scream … and to keep on screaming until someone comes to give them the sustenance or comfort they desire. But by the time we reach adulthood, often the barriers have gone up and our lives display very different priorities. So what’s so attractive about independent living?
It’s safer
There’s no point denying it, sometimes life hurts and it has done ever since the fall of Genesis 3. To put it bluntly, sometimes people are real pains! It’s not something I dwell on much – I have better things to do with my time – but, if you pushed me, I could come up with quite a catalogue of ways in which I have been wounded. I’m sure you can too. People hurt us - physically, emotionally, spiritually – and, to state the blindingly obvious, that doesn’t feel good, especially with the added dimension now of arguments spilling over into social media and the world’s uncompassionate eyes. Distancing ourselves from others makes it less likely we will feel pain again. Of course, it makes it less likely we will feel love again too …... continue reading
No man is an island, they say – and I guess that’s true - but I’ve noticed more and more in recent months that plenty of men (and women) often try to be just that. Whether it’s culture’s call to individualism or a personal drive for autonomy, many of us like to live as loners.
I’m not suggesting we aspire to be the modern day equivalent of hermits, holed away in some dark crevice. No - that wouldn’t work at all - crevices don’t have wifi! But within the hustle and bustle of the modern world, where hundreds of people pass us in the street or online each day, there can be a drive to live our lives deliberately distancing ourselves from those we are designed to hold dear.
I remember vividly the first time I was called a strong, independent woman. It was something that brought a smile to my face. You see, I like the idea of being superwoman, speeding through life invincibly - able to help others but being invulnerable myself. Of course, that’s not actually what I’m like at all but it’s an attractive aim. Needing others seems so, well, needy! And there’s a voice deep inside many of us that whispers “don’t go there - don’t admit you have to depend on anyone at all”.
So this week on The Good Book Blog we are going to look a little at the tendency towards independence that lies within and ask ourselves the question – is this really the life that Jesus calls us to enjoy?
"Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise. You alone are the Lord. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you."
Nehemiah 9:5-6
My son has just turned two. His vocabulary now stretches to: “Thank you Daddy for… [insert cars/blueberries/lion]”. So I’m confident that, come Sunday, to mark Father’s Day he will thank me for… well, cars, his sister, blueberries, and his teddy lion.
To be honest, I’m hoping that in twenty years, he’s not thanking me primarily for those things when he takes me out for lunch on Father’s Day (note, son: lunch, not just a card). On Mother's Day, I blogged on what I hoped he would thank his mother for in 20 years. But for Father's Day, I'm thinking: apart from his cars, blueberries and lion, what else should I be hoping he doesn’t most thank me for when he’s 22?... continue reading
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I just loved being a dad to my young children. I was silly Dad - always making jokes and doing funny things. I was knowledgable Dad - who knew lots of cool things about how things worked. I was fun dad - they were quite happy to bring their friends over to bask in the warm glowing presence of their amazing "Super-Dad". I was happy to bask in the warm glow of their appreciation.
How quickly things change…
Almost overnight it seemed the mood swung completely. As the teenage years took hold, silly Dad became embarrassing Dad , knowledgable Dad became stoo-pid Dad, and fun Dad became painfully awkward Dad. I found it just as tough as they did - especially when, one by one, they entered radio silence, and spent more time relating to their phones than they did to me.
I had to keep remembering how completely normal this all is. The fundamental job of a parent is to raise a happy, healthy, independent and mature human being, ready to take their place in the wider world. So it is quite, quite normal that many teenagers retract into themselves and their peer group, rather like a bug turning chrysalis before it emerges as a beautiful adult. It is their way of finding the space to discover and be themselves in their own right, rather than as an offshoot from mum and dad.
I've found the words of Ephesians 6 v 4 important to remember:
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Some men mourn the loss of their adoring, dependent children, and "over-compensate" - with the danger of driving them even further away. Paul's God-breathed advice is that we should focus on the important stuff. Pray for them, share the good news of the gospel, and show them what it means to be a disciple of Christ.
The greatest earthly gift you can give them is the space and encouragement to be mature and independent in the world. But the greater gift you can give them is the encouragement to a mature faith that is dependent of Jesus, not on you.
And as they emerge from the chrysalis, all glowing with colour and gorgeous, you begin to forge a new, grown-up relationship with the joyful gift that God gave you to care for.
The rising generations in the UK are growing up in a world that has said “goodbye” to the idea of God. In the media, through their education, and in the culture, they have been told repeatedly that the idea of God is old fashioned, irrelevant and out of touch.
Although the numbers who profess to be purely atheist are relatively small, for all practical purposes many live and think with no reference to, or thought of God day by day, and are hardened to any suggestion that there may be something more to life than biology, genetics and physics.... continue reading
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One and a half days. That's the total I've reached. That's the time I have spent over recent months playing Candy Crush saga, usually late in the evenings after the to do list has been sufficiently conquered. I did the maths yesterday afternoon after a point in a sermon sparked my thinking... I don't think it's a statistic I'm proud of!
I'm not knocking computer games - many of them are fun and a great way to relax. And while there is a risk that playing online can isolate you from friends and get in the way of Christian service, it isn't inevitable these things will happen. Indeed, the giving and receiving of "lives" has brought me back in contact with a number of friends who had previously drifted from my life ... I've liked that. But, in the grand scheme of things, when I stand before the throne of heaven I'm beginning to wonder if 36 hours making striped candies and clearing jelly will be seen as an entirely wise use of my time. And whether I find the game (with its frustrating levels) truly restful at all ...... continue reading
