Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
2 Corinthians 1 v 3-5
We are more than homo sapiens (thinking beings). We are homo adorons (worshipping beings). It is vital then that we address more than the mind when we teach. Failure to do so means that we are not teaching the Bible. In this seminar - first given at the Bible-Centred Youthworker Conference earlier this year - Ian Fry explores how we can address the heart when we teach in church.
We always love meeting you so if you are coming to the Christian Resources Exhibition in Esher, Surrey next week then do please drop by the stand and say "hello". It would be great to hear how you are finding the resources we produce and to talk to you about some of the things we have coming up in the future ... And, of course, there will be some great deals! You'll be able to find us on stands E53-55 in the Esher Hall.
And, if you enjoy the kinds of ministry topics we blog about, you might like to come to one or more of the seminars we are running:
We look forward to seeing you there!
This week on the blog we've been looking at the subject of Self-harm. Judging by the number of comments, shares and retweets, it has been very helpful and widely read.
You might find some of the following books helpful around the area of suffering:
All of them have 25% off when you use the code suff25 at the checkout.
This is what Vaughan Roberts has to say about Dealing with Depression....
"This booklet will be a great help both to the many Christians who experience depression and to those who seek to help them. It is an excellent combination of Biblical principles, medical knowledge and pastoral wisdom."
Vaughan Roberts, Rector of St Ebbe's, Oxford and Director of Proclamation Trust
Offer expires on 11/05/2012
Books have been written on how best to support people who self-harm (and I suppose I could do a shameless plug for my Grove Book on the subject!). We don’t have the space to go into detail on a blog. But here are our ten top tips for supporting those who struggle:... continue reading
If you’ve ever been to an old fashioned fairground you’ll know what I mean by the hall of mirrors. That small corridor of concave and convex glass which produces the most disturbing effects on your reflection. The enormous head – the bulging legs – the stomach the size of a pin. A perfectly average human-being can stand in front of one of these panes of glass and be confronted with an image that is distorted in the extreme.
We all have self-image. We all hold beliefs about ourselves and God. As Christians, we aim to hold biblical beliefs – ones that state that we are in God’s image (Genesis 2), ones which acknowledge both our sinfulness (Romans 3:10) and the fact that we are forgiven, washed whiter than snow (Psalm 51:7) and adopted into God’s family (1John 3:1) because we are loved by an awesome God and his sacrificial son (John 3:16). Ones that are clear that we have great hope for the future (1Peter 1:3).... continue reading
If someone at church has told you that they are deliberately hurting themselves, then you are in a privileged position. If they have shown you (because sometimes it’s easier to show than to speak) you are clearly trusted and valued as a friend or leader.
But even with those facts in mind, it can sometimes be hard to hear that someone you care about is self-harming. And harder still to know how to respond in ways that are loving and wise.
So here are 5 ideas of things that it is helpful to say to someone when they confide in you:
It will have been hard for the person to have confided in you. Thank them for trusting you and speaking with you. Acknowledge that it’s always a privilege to stand alongside brothers and sisters who are struggling.
Take the opportunity to listen to what the person who is self-harming is going through. Listen to their story, non-judgmentally, whatever the twists and the turns of their life.
Reinforce that God loves them – and show them that from Scripture rather than just trotting out the phrase. Remind them that their church family loves them too. Just as Jesus welcomed people from all walks of life and with a whole host of struggles, so should Christians.
Be clear and confident that there is a way out of self-harm, Be realistic that the path of change may be tough … it may include hearing difficult truths from the Bible, being challenged to forgive people who have hurt us, letting go of false beliefs about self & God and persevering through times of temptation, but it is possible. God is in the business of changing his children to be more like Jesus.
Offer to support the person who is struggling. It’s probably best not to offer to be their sole support – biblical pastoral care is a corporate activity not a secret 1:1 pursuit as no one individual has all the gifts necessary to point someone to Jesus all day every day. But it will be great if you can promise to play at least some part in encouraging recovery.
It can be hard to admit to self-harming. In fact, far from being the “attention-seeking” behaviour that it is so often described as being, most people keep it secret for months, years … even decades.
The problem is, it’s not easy to say “I deliberately cut myself” or “I take fistfuls of tablets when I can’t cope any more” . Doing so can seem like a terrifying prospect. People worry that others will see them as mad, bad or just plain weird. In certain church circles the assumption can be that someone who self-harms is demon-possessed (drawing on the story of the man in Mark 5). And no-one wants to be inappropriately placed into that category!
The stark reality, however, is that most people who self-harm are simply normal human beings who are struggling with the pain of the fallen world.
There are ways churches can help to overcome the wall of silence:
People who have a “big pastoral secret” to share will often share smaller struggles first to test the water. If they are loved and accepted when they admit to small struggles, they are more likely to share the big ones.
Simply popping a poster in the church which says that the leadership team are concerned for those who struggle with self harm (and alcohol and eating disorders and porn etc) and willing to talk with those who are affected can be a great reassurance to those who know they need help.
Every time the Bible is taught, there will be application. Ensuring that such moments of application, at times (when appropriate!) include application to those who struggle with pastoral problems is so helpful in encouraging people to seek help and seek help that is based on Scripture.
It’s always encouraging to hear how God is changing, healing and molding his people. So every now and then, why not ask someone who has stopped self-harming to give a testimony at church. It’s bound to encourage someone else!
By taking these small steps, churches can more and more become places where the code of silence is broken and people seek help for their struggles.
